A log, an entry…

I am anxious to see results of this new self. I’m not a patient person, tend to be a bit AAD and some would say intelligent. I’ve been called ‘Sheldon’ and C-3PO; lovingly and derisive. Being of the original ‘Star Wars’ generation, it’s hard not to draw comparisons of journeys to those of some of the characters in that series. But, I’m none of them. I am my own person, making my own choices. The Luciferian / Satanic way of individuality, knowledge and personal choice are the building blocks of what I want my second life to become (and no, no relation to the mmorpg).

My outward appearance hasn’t changed. Willfully and fortunately, I have maintained the appearance of my former self. No difference in hair, style of clothes, etc. No desire at this point either. I do have the incredible desire to get a tattoo. In my former life, a tattoo was taboo and evil; you mark your body, “…you’re going to Hell.” Well, at this point, okay. I’ve even decided on the first one I would get; the sigil of Lucifer. Seems cliche, but all my friends who have ink tell me that it never ends. And if this is the beginning of something, I might as well start off with a “no-brainer” first choice. Simple, to the point and start the path on the left foot (intended, but also a military thing…You always start a march or cadence on the left foot).

I may need to be patient…I know I do. I have never felt this way about anything before. The feeling is like waiting to open presents, seeing your favorite ride with no line at the carnival, and that first cum shot after no sex from being in the field for too long. All that and then wrapped into a esoteric desire that isn’t of this world. I believe that is what I am experiencing; if not more. I never felt this way about anything Christian; ever. It was matter of fact; “Yes, I believe…”, or “Of course I do”. None of it was ever with the passion and zeal I feel now.

I’ve never been happier; I have Joy. My moments of frustration or anger are momentary and dissipate like rain clouds, instead of lingering. My friends have commented that “This is honest”, or that “I really needed to make sure you were you”; that coming from two of my most trusted friends. Yes, I am a Satanist and I have Joy in my life because I am able to be me, without reservation.

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